Ian's Update

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Ian's August 2023 Update: Emotional health is wealth, invest in it

August 08, 2023

With Father's Day approaching, Ian emphasises the importance of the bond between fathers and their children. Ian goes into great detail about the Bush Essences that support common emotional challenges faced by men everyday. He also invites readers to join him as he delves into the rationale behind the essences chosen for the Men's Essence combination remedy.

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August is a wonderful time for being out in the Bush around Sydney. We have the new flowering season beginning, with the yellow of Hibbertia, pink of the boronias and the intense red of the grevilleas starting to colour the landscape.

It is also when we are getting very close to Father's Day here in Australia. Mind you, globally there are 20 different dates for this occasion! We may not all be fathers, but we all had one. The person you are today was very much shaped by your father and your relationship with him.

In this update, in deference to Father's Day, I will briefly describe the rationale for the essences that were chosen for the Men’s Essence combination remedy along with some of the other frontrunners that just missed out. The main rationale behind creating this Essence was to help men become their best masculine selves.

Towards the end of my Men's Health & ABFE Workshop I have the participants break into small groups to come up with what they feel would be the best Essences for a Men's remedy, with a limit of eight flowers. Three of the Bush Essences have appeared in just about all the lists and they were always going to be certain selections for our Men’s Essence combination. The three are, Black-eyed Susan for the busyness, irritability, impatience and being always on the go, it helps men to slow down and become less uptight generally; Flannel Flower, as it helps a man be comfortable with both physical and emotional intimacy, encouraging them to be more physically active, to talk about and communicate their feelings, an area men can struggle with. This could be with an intimate partner, their children or even in their work situation.

The third one, almost invariably the first one chosen by the workshops groups, is Red Helmet Orchid. This is such a crucial remedy for a man as it works on both the bond between him and his father as well as the bond between himself and his child or children, if he is a father.

When I cover Red Helmet Orchid in my Level One Workshop, I ask the participants to raise their hand if they have, if their father is still alive, or had if he is dead, a really close, loving relationship with their father. I follow this with the second question, “How many people feel their relationship with their father isn't or wasn't (if he’s no longer alive) nearly as close and loving as they would have wanted.” Sadly, in every one of the 40 odd countries where I've taught this workshop I've never once had the majority of the room say they had a very good relationship with their father. So many children all over the world have grown up without their fathers being either physically or emotionally present. The consequence of this on boys can be seen by their joining gangs; a lifelong rebellious attitude to authority figures such as teachers, police, bosses etc or a lack of a role model in knowing how to treat women and be a man. The impact on daughters of an absent father can be seen in a shortened education, which has in many cases profound, economic impact, teenage pregnancies and self-esteem issues. The latter can also be seen with sons. A surprising result that came out of a 35-year study on empathy showed that a caring, present, good father was crucial to this quality being fully developed in children.

Now you may have never known your father, your father may no longer be alive or possibly the relationship you had with him isn't as good as you would have liked. That's the reason Red Helmet Orchid was the first flower chosen for our Men’s Essence, because it works on the bond between a man and his child or children. You might be the child, even though you're an adult and this remedy will help strengthen that bond between you and your father.

I attempt to make this essence on Father's Day, which unfortunately for many men is a day of great sadness, as they reflect on their lack of connection to their child or children. In countries such as United States and Australia, five years after divorce, 30% of men have no contact with their children - which has such a negative impact in the lives of both the children and the father.

In Brazilian poor communities and orphanages where we donate the Bush Essences, so many of the fathers are simply not around because of drugs, alcohol or being in jail. The latter is also a common scenario in the United States with so many African American men incarcerated in that country. Whole generations of children are growing up without contact with their fathers with the nurturing and parenting being done solely by the mother. Boys, especially in adolescence, need a good male role model, preferably their father.

As well as the physically absent father there is also the emotionally absent father who is more preoccupied and distracted in his own world and life than that of his children. The negative impact on children of these two types of fathers is similar.

Michel Odent, the famous French obstetrician, who along with Frederick Leboyer revolutionised modern birthing practices, did extensive research across all cultures to see if men were historically present at childbirth. He could not find any evidence of it until around the mid to late 1970s when it became more accepted and common. In the early days there are a lot of similar stories of tough old hospital matron nurses being very disapproving of men being there at the birth, telling them not to get in the way and warning them not to faint!

Today if a man is not present at the birth of his child, then he's likely to be in serious trouble with his partner! One of the great benefits arising from men being present at the birth is that it helps them to feel more connected from the very beginning to their child. Many men say that holding their child straight after the birth was the most powerful experience of their life.

The most important first bond for a child is to the mother and this primary bond with the mother continues for the first three years. From age 4 to 7 the main bond for the child shifts to that with the father, though the impact of the father is obviously still vital and important in those early years.

A big challenge for fathers is to stay very connected to their child – and their partner, in those first years. In many ways it's a lot easier for the mother and her child to bond, as energetically the child has been in the mother's energy field in the womb for nine months. Also, there are more triggers for the release of oxytocin, the love hormone, especially through breastfeeding, which enhances the bonding between the mother and her baby.

I have added Little Flannel Flower to the Men’s Essence to help bring about a greater sense of fun and playfulness – something that many men can feel quite self-conscious about and inhibited in expressing. This wonderful Essence also brings out and enhances one’s sense of humour.

Men also generally hold on to sadness a lot more than women, sometimes for decades, so we have Sturt Desert Pea to release that sorrow. It's one of the deepest acting of the Bush Essences.

Bluebell is also included, a beautiful remedy for opening the heart and getting in touch with your feelings.

Men have a greater tendency than women to be more critical and judgmental. Yellow Cowslip Orchid counters this.

The final Essence in the Men's combination is Boab, another one of the deepest acting of the Bush Essences. I chose Boab because of its potential for releasing old, outdated, male stereotypes. It works by clearing negative family patterns that are passed down from generation to generation.